Well, the time is here. We knew it would probably come sometime, and that sometime is now. The aging parent now needs more care than freedom. Now we need to consider blending our lives back together again - pursuing a reversal from being the child of the parent to parenting... the parent.
My husband's 85-year-old mother has enjoyed living freely and alone since being widowed in 1998. She and his Dad lived some distance from us when Dad succumbed to cancer, so we found a nice condo about two miles from our home for Mom to move into less than a year after he died. She lives on one side; her widowed sister-in-law lives in the other. We pick her up for church on Sundays, enjoy dinner with her, and see her sporadically through the week. She's healthy and drives herself to the store, the doctor, to her friend's homes - whenever and wherever she wants. She's enjoyed her freedom; we've enjoyed ours. Yes, we've had times where we've needed to be closer and take care of her but, by and large, it's been a free existence for her...
Until now.
Seven years ago we put wheels into motion that will now start moving faster. We spent time with her lawyer and put documentation together to protect her assets. A durable power of attorney and other legal documents were filed: a will, a living will, a health care power of attorney. We met with a financial planner to ensure her assets were not only protected, but maximized to ensure that she could enjoy life without substantial financial encumbrances. Joint tenancy and right of ownership were all checked and double-checked: for the future.
Last month we met with the lawyer, insurer, and now are preparing to take over her day-to-day finances. The future has become the reality: now. There are far too many who prey on older people - especially trusting old people - and she gets confused easily. Now we're even considering the potential of a mother-in-law suite within our home - to protect the one we love.
Are you dealing with this situation - or perhaps will be in the future? There are some great websites: www.aarp.com, www.agingparents.com and more that provide helpful online information! It’s never too early to have a sincere, but bluntly honest talk with your loved one. Know where their important papers are kept, where their financial assets are held, and plan together for the future. Make sure you are legally prepared for the potential of nursing home or other long-term care. Meet with the lawyer, the financial planner, the bank personnel to ensure asset and personal protection of your loved one. Be prepared to take care of their day-to-day needs BEFORE the time comes because...
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