The person of influence

Influence is the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others. 

— Dictionary.com

Personal observations:

Becoming a person of influence is not a short-term assignment. It’s a life-long journey.

You cannot legislate attitudes. You can’t become a person of influence unless others choose you to be such. This is one area where you cannot become a self-made person. It’s based on someone else’s perspective, which is fickle and easily swayed. The trendline of an influential person is consistently on the up-and-up.

Consistency and commitment are foundational as influence comes from trust and trends, both of which take a LONG TIME to build. It’s a process; a worthwhile process. Your credibility and reputation impacts whether the other person notices or really hears what you want.

Here are some traits of people who have influenced my own life: 

Live a life of undivided integrity. Be transparent. Be solid. Set the example to follow.

Always demonstrate a positive attitude. No matter HOW bad life is going, negativity is never an encouragement. Never. It’s a huge detriment. Wimps, whiners and cry-babies don't influence anyone productively. Encourage, support, lift others up - and smile.  

Consider other people's interests as more important than your own. Show genuine interest in others. How well you relate to the needs of others will develop entire networks and bonds that last. Respect differences. You don’t have to agree or even condone, but respect their right to have an opinion or conviction within legal, moral, and ethical guidelines. 

People LOVE to talk about themselves – don’t YOU?! Use this fact to broaden your own horizons by learning more about someone else’s perspective, knowledge, interests, and insights. That’s the wonder of conversation and relationships: mutual growth! Listen and learn. Zig Ziglar said it well: People like those that listen more than they like those that talk.

Face it - people don’t want to hear about you… they want to hear themselves echoed in your words. Find out what motivates the other person. It could range from looking good to their boss, to wanting to get promoted, to achieving a specific goal or working less. Take the commonalities and build the relationship on mutual influence.

Find your common ground with others. Combine your interests and intent with what matters to the other person. People tend to be much more receptive if they view your interests as aligned with their own interests, goals and objectives. 

Lend a helping hand: authentically, genuinely, and without seeking anything in return. Doesn’t it feel really good to help other people?

Find your niche – your area of expertise - and use it to productively help others. Don’t flaunt your skill. Don’t be obnoxious because of your abiliity. Don’t use it to be critical of others. Don’t be better than anyone else because of it. Be constructive, not destructive, with your abilities, talents and skills – and SHARE with discretion and with a goal of mutual growth and productivity. Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17).

Establish a reputation of integrity. It’s never nice to talk about people behind their back, and doing that always takes away from your credibility. If you talk about someone, you’ll talk about anyone, so what you say had better be something anyone will want to hear. One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies is, If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all. While it may be tempting to join in a discussion to express a negative opinion about a third party, it will not develop your ability to influence the person who is not present and could quickly snowball downhill when heard by others. In all reality, gossip and slander will destroy your honor with all parties concerned. Even perceived allies will question your trustworthiness when you engage in backbiting.

If you’re in a discussion about someone and making decisions that will affect their life, stop the discussion until the person can join the conversation. Don’t make a decision that affects someone without them. That’s just rude! True alliances are founded on loyalty, dependability, and straight-forwardness. Be honest. The bottom line is: You must be seen as a foundation of integrity in order to be influential within a group. This means your own foundation MUST be solidly built on integrity.

Last, but not least:

Don't settle for anything less than excellence and quality in anything and everything you do. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it; autograph your work with excellence. Never settle. Always push for better. Sloppiness, “dropping the ball”, and half-hearted efforts will be recognized for what they are. Whatever you do, don’t do it halfway.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~ Aristotle

Style...

Style is a way to tell the world who you are without having to speak.

I just saw that on Twitter and I stopped.

In a world where acceptance is sometimes far more important than uniqueness, style can get lost in a maze of becoming someone else's expectations - and then some.

Nope. Style means I am unlike anyone else. I - am - UNIQUE. Style means I can like and accept myself - and my style - more than I like and accept the concept of looking like someone else. Finding that style can be a fumbling game at best at times, but being comfortable in your own skin is far more comfortable than wearing someone else's.

I've discovered that with shoes. No high heels - no chunky, clunky for looks sake for my feet. That style means OUCH for me - not my style. I found an awesome pair of solid leather black flats that will probably outlast me, they're made so well. And the instant I put them on - ahhhhhhh..... comfort. My style. Not showy. Not flashy. No glim glam flash for my feet. Quality. Comfort. Classic. Functional. Healthy. Yup - now I'm bulleting out... my style.

No one else like me... And I'm going to be comfortable with that.

Love your loved ones - while you can... :)

A third child has died as a result of yesterday's senseless act of violence. A high school student, frustrated by life, used a gun to express those frustrations, creating an abrasively abrupt end to three young lives surging with potential.

I'm a mother. Situations like this make me ill - physically ill.

We learned today that a business acquaintance could no longer deal with the stress of living his life, and chose to end his by calmly walking out into his backyard at the end of his workday, pointing a loaded shotgun at his head, and pulling the trigger.

No one knows what the next second holds. The longer I live, the more I realize how fragile the thread of life is. And when it breaks violently, it rips a multiplicity of hearts apart in its wake.

Today:

Hold your loved ones close.

Gaze into their eyes and tell them how much they mean to you. 

Hug your loved ones, arms tightly wrapped around their fragile bodies, while you can.

Make each moment of life count. The next... is not yours to claim.

Wow. It's almost hateful how fast time can fly when you really don't want it to. I treasure the winter months for the occasional blizzard or, at the very least, ice storm or other temporary diversion to everyday normalcy that keeps everyone inside for at least a day or two when I can get caught up with all the stuff I've put aside simply because everyday life has gotten in the way of doing everything I want to do and don't have time to do...

except this year. This year the weather has been absolutely uncooperative with snow emergencies or otherwise and life has been progressively active to the extent where...

Where has the time gone to WRITE?  Yes, I do know. My life revolves around writing - writing for everyone except for myself - and much has been accomplished for all those I've head responsibility to write for. Except myself!

So, here are a few moments on a quiet Sunday night, as my cat is sitting lazily in front of me daydreaming cat daydreams, for me to pause...

catch my breath...

and wish - hope - wonder...

Where has the time gone this winter?

The more accurate question, I'm afraid, is: Are we going to have winter this winter?  Just one day - one nasty ice-snow-blizzard event so we can all walk away from what is called winter into the next realm of spring with something to complain about and one day in our recent memory banks to treasure because we got to enjoy being forced to be stuck at home to get all the stuff done we have to put off because we don't have enough time...

I'll wait and see... :-)

Or will this have to wait... until next year...?

New beginnings...

New Year's Eve.
And someone died this morning. Someone I knew.
Someone I always looked forward to seeing.
Someone who meant a lot to a lot of people.

Two weeks ago he entered the hospital. Days later, the family was told he had cancer. Throughout his entire body. The fastest-growing cancer they had ever seen.
He was literally moments from eternity.
And he was ushered in this morning.

2012 begins soon...
      and many people won't celebrate who celebrated New Year's a year ago.
They passed away this year. 2011 was their last year on this earth. Many probably had no clue that this would be their last year on this planet; after all, how many of us think about that as we blow horns, cheer, and kiss love ones when the moment strikes at midnight and we sing "Auld Lang Syne"?

Morbid as it may sound, my own thoughts roll that way as I wait for the midnight moment to arrive...
     and 2012 to be ushered in.
Who won't make it to 2013?
How many of my loved ones will pass from this life to eternity this year?
Will I be one?
Will that change any of my plans, goals, dreams, or resolutions?

No. I will happily begin this new year content and excited about what lies ahead and...
     if God should take me home this year...

Happy New Year! :) 

Acceptance

Accepted.

You are - or you're not. You do - or you don't. 

We long for acceptance - to belong - to be part. 

We long to be embraced for ourselves... in spite of ourselves. 

Acceptance. 

It is the true thing everyone longs for. The one thing everyone craves. 

To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. 

And, in that small passing moment, you truly know you're loved, needed, and accepted... :)

 ~ Rena Harmon

There may come a time when, try as you might, you realize that there are times and places when and where you won't be accepted. The pain of the reality can bite, can hit, can land and grow from a tiny seed to a huge and strong root of bitterness and discouragement. 

Don't let it. Smile. Be willing to get up, smile one last time, hold you head up...

and walk away.

‎At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone and that 

the only next possible step to do is to stop. 

Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. 

It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. 

What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, 

will never be. 

 ~ unknown, Wisdom Quotes

The tear.

This morning I had an encounter that filled me with emotion. Have you ever been there? In a place – in a time – in a realm that fills you to overwhelming with emotion that just wants to…

Move. 

Move through you and move out of you. And, when it does, relief can thankfully fill and refresh so you can go forward to your next place – time – realm. Reality must be dealt with, so emotional interludes must pass.

But something remained this morning.

As memories rushed through me of days gone by, encounters shared, and life lived, emotions played their accompaniment. The symphony of life once lived in the past played briefly as I was enroute to where I needed to be and, as I prepared to leave the memories behind in my car and enter reality, I looked down.

One round circle looked back at me from my lap.

It was as small as a paper-punched hole; like a piece of my heart punched through that remained as one spilled tear in my lap. I couldn’t wipe it up, blot it up, or get rid of it. It simply stared at me, as a reminder of my humanity.

You can leave a piece of history behind, but you can’t leave memories. They will remain, ingrained in your inner fibers, and may exhibit themselves from time to time as pieces of your heart flow through your tears.

One tear. The reminder. It was a beautiful memory.